The Monkey Cage

C-O-C-O-N-U-T

2009-08-06T16:51:00.005+08:00

Once again, the Monkey Cage has been away for quite awhile but it will resurface with a quick one for now and that is one of those moments when some monkeys in the society redefine what has already been rightfully defined.

CHAPTER 0011 : FROM A COCONUT TREE

Picture 1, clearly, coconuts, from a tree, plucked by a monkey, or two, possibly, I think...

Picture 2, HUCKLESS COCONUT, need I say more? I don't think so...

Signs...

2009-03-16T19:55:00.007+08:00

Signs, be them posts or boards, serve one purpose and one purpose only (that is if you discount the fact that some might use them as weapons or interpret them as decorative items...). That is, to send out a message, inform the reader about something. Sometimes though, things can turn out just so wrong even though the objective to tell people about something is so simple...

CHAPTER 0010 : WORDS DON'T COME EASY

Apparently they don't, not to the people who came up with these names and terms though. Have a look and you'll know what we're talking about...

We've seen a few stupid specimens of very bad/odd/unthinkable word-usage before but mostly one at a time, now we have 3 and I guess it would be fun to rank them so here goes...

COMING IN AT NUMBER 3;One can only imagine how big 6 X's represent...

In 2nd place;This is an interesting one... It can either be a very humiliating case of misspelling or could have an alternate meaning. Then again, which business would want to reveal their real initiatives as conmen?

This would have easily been number one. Unfortunately for the con people aged 3 and above though, the people in the donut business have outwitted their conning instincts.
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And the best of the best is;
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Notice number one on the list. The words speak for themselves. Imagine someone asking you about your occupation and you having to blurt out "Oh, I'm an Ass Manager...". Okay.......

There you have it, words certainly don't come easy, not to some at least. It's just incredible how the person who wrote it can forward it for printing without noticing anything wrong, the printing party can go ahead with printing the material without noticing any oddities and the people who put these up for the public to see can easily place them in the open without noticing any laughable or questionable content. Simply incredible.

REVIVAL

2009-02-26T20:55:00.010+08:00

People... People... People... It is not known whether any of you have been waiting for this or not, but here it comes. THE MONKEY CAGE IS BACK. Whether you like it or not, well, hopefully you do or else you won't be here would you, the monkey-fied aspects of our lives have come flocking to its rightful residence here at the cage and without any further delay, let's do a rewind in chapters to commemorate the 'Idunohowmanytimesalready' revival of the Monkey Cage...

So, we started with Roman Numerals, then moved on to numbers as we know today, what's next?

CHAPTER 0001 (ooohh yeah, binaries baby...) : REVIVAL - THE PICTURE FILM

Opening Narration (accompanied by drumrolls, imagine people) ;

FLIES. Flies are filthy bugs, lurking around the stench of anything rotten, feasting and breeding on the vile surfaces of the most decomposed remains of the ugliest pieces of flesh, horror movie creatures, only real... Often, these little bits of terror on wings terrorize us humans too, and apart from discovering how to take a bath, our species has discovered another breakthrough in our quest against these creatures of mass disgust... Behold, the DEODORANT!

Wait a minute... Is that? Let's take a look from another angle...
Can it be a.... No, it can't be...

A FLY!!! OH THE TERROR!!! HOW CAN WE LIVE IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO OUR KIDS? OH THE TRAUMA TO THE HUMAN RACE...

Oh.. The trauma...

THE END

?

Well, whether it is the end of that horrific story or not, it certainly isn't the end of the Monkey Cage, heck, there will never be an end. Because as long as time passes by and people inhabit this world, there will always be monkeys among us, very possibly living in our shadows, or ARE what cast our shadows too... So go home, take a bath, and take this all in, and while you're at it, sort out your toiletries will you? Especially on your deodorants if you get the point...

Do Signboards Get Better/Worse Than This?

2008-07-01T21:39:00.004+08:00

The Monkey Cage is not only back after quite a hiatus, it is back but in actual fact not really in the confines of a location called home. The cage has been re-situated and as it finds its new home, new monkeys are unfortunately scarce. However...

CHAPTER 8 : THE MONKEYS CUT HAIR

There have been many posts on a certain famous blog which depict the hilarities or more likely stupidities of signboards of stores, eateries and miscellaneous establishments. The Monkey Cage is probably just a minute unit as popular as that traffic eater of a weblog but today, the Monkey Cage has totally defeated each and every supposedly stupid or funny signboard one finds there with a signboard captured on its own to be the first signboard inducted into the Monkey Cage Hall of Fame... Behold,In some cases we laugh at the logo, most of the time the name... This time, BOTH! Now if only someone cares to share about how a haircut or some other form of "treatment" in the PORN SALOON is like because The Monkey Cage is probably unqualified to even take a guess at how business is like for this very interesting salon.

Of A Hero, A Blue Villain and Condoms

2008-05-28T20:06:00.004+08:00

What I saw that day spun my mind more turbulent than a washing machine when set to tumble. I never knew the monkeys living among us, around us and with us need it so much...

CHAPTER 7 : REALLY REALLY SAFE

Mating is a part of life, not just for monkeys but for all other creatures, monsters, homosapiens and supersapiens as well. Don't doubt me, I'm quite sure Hellboy didn't appear from thin air. However babies aren't what most people would want and due to that, there's this thing that was created and I NEVER KNEW A TRUCK LOAD OF IT WOULD BE NEEDED EVEN FOR A TINY TOWN LIKE THIS.

The amount of the advertised product that could fill the truck would simply be staggering, to the extent that if every one was put to good use, it could prevent the population of the world from doubling, no, tripling, hence, stopping the surface of the earth from sinking in as a result of more fatties roaming the land. The truck driver must be saluted (since no other personnel can be thought of) because as long as someone with seven hundred times the power of Mr. Freeze does not appear to save the world from global warming, he is the hero for the day. Playsafe indeed.

Journey To The... Somewhere...

2008-05-09T13:20:00.005+08:00

Life is full of journeys. Journeys make up life. One's journey in life is what one's life and its journeys are about. Life and journey are two words that just simply annoy the hell out of readers (the Cage's one at least) by being applied in philosophical mish-mashes and trials of literature elemental structures. Ok, that's enough for catching up on many many days of lacking annoyance-filled posts, now, here's the real deal, the Monkey Cage shall dwell upon a topic of much more conventional journeys that are probably not so life-defining as you would probably expect.

CHAPTER 6 : MP MP MP MP! (the meaning lies in the state which shares a same 1st letter as MONKEY!)

The definiton of journey in today's context is one which involves going from one place to another with the use of public transport. With the world turning into the world it is and as times get tougher for people economically and for monkeys bananamaniacally, we tend to go for the cheapest means possible of everything, that includes going to the mall and back. For the traditional monkeys who still live on trees, swing with vines, eat wild bananas and maybe don't read English, the Monkey Cage shall make an effort in explaining how one can make use of public transport, in this case, taking the bus.

1. Oooh oohh ahh oooh uuurrrrggghhhhh Malaka rrrr san tral wuuuu. (swing and jump and climb your way to Melaka Sentral)

2. Aaahh aahhh busbus ooh ahhh GPS ooh ga ooh ga ching ching ching. (go up the bus, tell the conductor where you wanna go and pay up *bananas are not part of the new-age credit system)

3. Oogie oogie ooh ooh, wu wu ahh oohh teeet teeet ooh ooh ahh ahh. (When you reach the destination, simply press the red button and get down when the bus stops.)

Notice that at step 3, our more primitive cousins might spot something morale-boosting or more likely intelligence-boosting as what they see at that point can be sort of a measure of intelligence for both monkey and man. Stop and stare.

So... Bus stops, people come down, people come up. What's so monkey about this seemingly normal procedure of a typical bus ride? It all lies in what lies ahead...

DILARANG MENGAMBIL DAN MENURUNKAN PENUMPANG BAS DI SINI. If my 11 years of learning Bahasa Malaysia serves me right, isn't that supposed to mean that buses are prohibited from dropping or collecting passangers here? Mr. Bus driver seemed like he was taught that the word DILARANG means you are ENCOURAGED to... Oh well, authorities would probably just close one eye as MP could have a hidden meaning which is Monkey Paradise... And Monkey Paradise it is isn't it, this world we live in?

P.S; The Monkey Cage has been out for quite a while, and that is due to something humans call examinations... Regardless of what that means, be rest assured that the Cage is up and running as good as ever! Also, at this point of life, expect there to be an exodus involving the monkeys we know and the monkey-piloted buses we go on as for this time around, we all just wanna go home.

Low On Supplies.

2008-04-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

CONFESSIONS OF THE MONKEY CAGE :

The Monkey Cage is short on resources yet again. Apologies to the entire reader base of the Cage which can probably be summed up with one hand, maybe with a few more fingers. Apologies nonetheless, the monkeys seem to be on strike. To the banana stall it seems I must go. Do not worry, the monkeys will be back. Just hang in there ok? I know it's painful, but please be strong, supplies will be coming in. Till then, let the monkey in you run wild!

Monkeyadios.

Half Half Half

2008-04-13T17:08:00.007+08:00

Food. All of us eat. All animals eat. Fish and insects and politicians eat. They don't eat they die. Therefore, the conclusion is food is good, food is important, food is life. And the level of food quality or taste or whatever measure applicable differs with each mammal's or frog-like creature's tongues as well as its pre-eating preparation. Generally, we cook something before we eat. Sometimes, half-cooked is the way to go, and is certainly not an issue if one is half-starved. The word 'half' is half of the main idea for today's topic which is indeed 'half-cooked' as half of you might have already guessed while the other half were only half-sure about it. This is the story of the half boiled egg.

CHAPTER 10/2 : 0.5

At a morning breakfast crowd, one can interview at least half of the entire number of patrons and discover that probably about half of them would agree that half boiled eggs are a yummy way to begin the day while the other half would give half a million (ok maybe that's an exeggeration or merely a half-lame excuse to integrate an extra 'half' into this post) reasons why half boiled eggs are yucky or unhealthy or distasteful or gooey or whatever. For the half in favour of half boiled eggs, their eggs sometimes goes beyond the half cooked point or probably under the 1/2 mark due to half-hearted preparation hence a breakfast which is not half bad but indeed very bad. Watch it, at least half of it.

This is how a supposedly half-boiled egg turned out to be thanks to a monkey in the kitchen... And I bet it looks only half as ugly as it tastes...

A smile had to be drawn to filter the hideous nature of this gruesome picture to half.

Also, as a form of consolation to the eater to be, an idea popped out saying that the substance which looked as though it was made of half monkey puke, half bird piss, looked like...

Uh-huh... I think the thought of that took away the bad taste for our dear eater, at least half of it. But half is bad enough as this story about the half boiled egg can pass as a horror already. For roughly half of you readers, there's half a chance that half of your stomach's contents are already working their way halfway up your esophagus.

Halfway through this half-filled post, there was half an intention that this post would be flooded with as many halves as possible but it seems as though the 'half'-applicable substances have run out or rather I have missed out on half of them. Also it is probably as anticipated that at least half of you readers have been completely annoyed by half this half that and it's almost half past ten. Therefore let's end it in the most appropriate manner.

After drinking half a glass' content, do you describe the remaining half in the cup being half full or half empty?

Ok, that was just the final go at trying to get the audience terrified of the word 'half' or anything that can be divided by two. If it worked, well sorry.. If it didn't, too bad, I hope it did scare you at least half as much though...

Celebrity Special

2008-04-04T23:17:00.006+08:00

Paparazzi watchout, there's a new kid on the block, or should it be said new cage. The business of capturing almost each and every single famous person doing each and every possible activity there is at each and every location on Earth is certainly a lucrative one and although nobody's earning money here, be well aware we got our very own footage, yes you may applaud.

CHAPTER 4 : PLAYING PAPARAZZI

Of course even when it's celebrities we're talking about here, there has to be the monkey factor. And today's featured celebrity has that quality, well, not that she has it to be exact but what happened to her that fills the criteria. Let's see if you get the meaning...

Now what in the name of banana trees is that? Is it a fashion mess up? Or vandalism? Can it be physical photoshopping? Or a late dress modification? Did someone see something he regretted? Or did a she see something to be jealous about? Wow I do not know... All I know is, somebody's hiding something...

Wait, there's more.

Remember the sex scandal that rocked Asia's and probably nudged the global entertainment scene? Pictures pictures pictures leaked leaked leaked. ALL BUT ONE and needless to say, we have it...

The best part is, this didn't happen in some overused bedroom like depicted in the other pictures, this happened in a UNIVERSITY CLASSROOM, ON THE TABLE! Now how radical is that? I seriously wonder which monkey who was supposed to be summing up variances and probabilities instead of straying off into filthy thoughts inspired this. Wow... W. O. W. (Not the game mind u, just a huge wowed utterance of the wowest version of the wowy word wow ever, wow.)

And where else can you find this? Certainly nowhere because as you read this, be assured that you are the first and only witnesses of these celebrities caught on cameraphone for the usage of the Monkey Cage!

The Fools Of Our Time.

2008-04-01T17:12:00.006+08:00

*ALERT!* Coming soon, the 1st CELEBRITY MONKEY to be featured!

After 3 posts worth of blogger to reader education, it should be expected that everyone perform well when given a single-question quiz based on the simple subject taught which regards a certain language... Yet, this is the result of the Monkey Cage's first attempt at breaking through the education scene.

CHAPTER 3 : YES IT'S APRIL

But there are no pranks here, just people who would probably fall for one quite easily given the fact that this is their profesionally constructed performance chart crafted with the very best softwares of our time;

Analysis:

ONE student answered KERA, which can be considered correct but shall be marked wrong because IT IS REPEATED THAT MONKEY = MONYET BUT NOT KERA according to the Monkey Cage... Never listen (or read)...
ONE student gave some kind of odd name to it, clearly a case of 'tembak'... And to think this was one of the most genuine MONKEYS among the family. What a sad day...
TWO students did indeed mention MONYET but with question marks at the end. WHAT ARE YOU UNCERTAIN OF? No confidence...
ONE student monkey of a monkey tried to act monkeyishly smart with his answer that included more than the word required...
ONLY ONE STUDENT HAD THE ANSWER SPOT ON! Mentioning just "monyet" with complete ease and confidence, bravo!

Although the result was totally below expectation and is a saddening fact to ponder upon, this is life... Beyond the sorrow of being disappointed deep into the depths of failure, it is good to know that at least there is at least one who managed to get it right... One who is indeed a member of the Monkey Cage, that status given to him courtesy of his contribution on SEPTEMBER 17 2007... Sigh...

Sad to have to send this message out.. but, dear institutions of the Ivy League and others worthy of association, you can breathe freely for awhile as the Monkey Cage won't be threatening your respective positions in the very near future, our 'student's still have lots to learn. Maybe this is why courses are done in years and not days, it's ok, the lesson is learnt.

Reason To Visit The Library.

2008-03-25T19:05:00.005+08:00

Here we are at the second official post of The Monkey Cage V2.0, second post, version two of this blog, and i'm repeating myself which = saying the same thing TWO times. This signals what is coming ahead as what is coming ahead is coming in twos. The monkey in this feature is indeed a pair of monkeys who thoroughly deserve to be among the ranks of the great achievers among its primate peers. One of them is not a freshie, but when one monkey complemements another, the result is simply leagues ahead in terms of how monkey a monkey can be.

BAB DUA : DUA EKOR MONYET

Where people go to crack their heads and study for their arriving examinations, two monkeys are resting. While all around them are putting all their focus into the lines of words and numbers printed or written on the papers beyond their eyes, two monkeys are having a good time. While it is customary and almost compulsory for everyone to be silent within these premises, two monkeys are happily chatting the minutes away. While each and every other individual existing around them are in the library, two monkeys are in a world of their own...

Yes, one of the monkeys is certainly no newbie among our ranks and his buddy isn't much of one too as a matter of fact. He was actually, the one who was cheering our senior along as the latter was doing his thing with a poor horse. Ah, who else would you expect to be heard supporting a monkey riding a horse... Monkey friends, amazing isn't it the kind of friendship existing between them? Certainly deserves a place here...

Monkey Cage v2.0

2008-03-20T14:41:00.002+08:00

OH. MY. TUHAN.

Guess what... The Monkey Cage has a fresh face! It has a new look now and heck, it hardly looks like anything from the old Cage. Basically, before the previous post, there wasn't exactly a proper post since 2008 arrived and therefore this can mark the renewal of the Monkey Cage. Thus, the saga begins once more, so we start off again from...

CHAPTER 1(mordern, no more Roman numerals): CAGE RENOVATION

Yes, the Monkey Cage has gone through an unforseen phase of rebirth.
Yes, the Monkey Cage does not look like what it was before.
Yes it seems as though the Monkey Cage went through a process some would suggest as metamorphosis.
Yes, the graphics at the top of the screen makes the Monkey Cage resemble a Monkey hideout even more than before.
Yes, the Monkey Cage sidebar is now home to this thingy called an advertisement by some corporation which sounds like they've had enough of Penang.
Yes there is difference... not dy/dx kinda difference but yeah you get the point...

BUT NO, the Monkey Cage has not lost its content or quality rated by its own standards. It is still the Monkey Cage nonetheless. The purpose it serves and the dished out products of the Cage shall always remain the same and with that said, The Monkey Cage is still the Monkey Cage... Here's something for you in case you do not believe.

While the rest of the class sharpen their budding skills in their bid to be among tomorrow's great engineers, I have no idea what the hell this monkey is thinking of, I don't even dare to think... But beneath that lies a monkey who lives up to the standard or shall I say criteria in being included here in our very own primate collection wether it's any good for him or not.

This is indeed, The Monkey Cage.

The Monkey Cage Returns with... HORSES?

2008-02-27T18:46:00.007+08:00

(THIS ENTRY WAS POSTED ON THE 19TH OF MARCH, THE 27TH OF FEBRUARY WAS THE DATE IT BEGAN AS A DRAFT)

The Monkey Cage has taken an exceptionally long holiday which wasn't forseen or exactly necessary and you readers are probably sad.. or more likely devastated at the sudden discontinuation of nonsensical writings about downright stupid happenings testified by cheaply silly videos previously available here at the Cage. Well, cancel the word previously because all those are indeed FRESHLY AVAILABLE as the break turned out to be fruiful in monkey terms. Yes, the family is getting bigger...

CHAPTER ... Wait... What chapter is it? 20? What, 600? Or is it 600.00? Wait isn't that the same? Huh? Ah screw chapters...

Let's not waste time and move on to the topic today. Horseback riding.

*Possible response from a reader prior to reading the sentence above*

Reader: Horseback? As in horses? Where are the monkeys? This is the Monkey Cage, I want monkeys!

The voice who knows it all aka blogger: Patient lah... Haiyo... Are there only monkeys in the jungle? What about the guinea pigs, hamsters and koala bears?

Reader: Huh? Guinea pig and hamster got live in forest meh? Australia got monkey ah?

The annoyed voice aka blogger: Haiya, you get my point lah.. doesn't mean I say got horse means no monkey right? It's like when you go to a mamak and order milo ais. They don't just pour the iced milo on you right? Doesn't it come in a cup and with a straw for you to drink it? Same here, I mention horses, you gonna get monkeys also. By the way I think Australia got monkeys la...

Reader: Ok.. I think I get your point... But don't try to act so clever, I won't go mamak order milo ais one ok... Call me weird but I don't really...

Increasingly irritated voice aka blogger: Whatever lah you can shut up already... Out of topic... Anyway here's the clip. Enjoy dear readers who I hope aren't as annoying as the person I just 'entertained'...

Reader: Huh! I don't wanna talk to you dy...

The suddenly happy voice aka blogger: Finally, all the better... Okok lets play the clip. Drumrolls please... Drumrolls? Woi drumrolls?!

*Late drumrollsssssssssss*

Thanks to that smartass up there (who doesn't really exist, in fact created by the blogger's imagination) the nonsensical writings about the post in general has to be postponed till after the video; a first for this site. Well, it's roughly about how monkeys redefined horseback riding. Somehow it sends out the message that it actually doesn't look very right. If mothers or fathers were reading this, they probably would think twice before any horseback riding scene can ride their way into the television set. Monkeys these days... Yeah this blog is dedicated to your community but at least leave the horses alone, even the plastic ones... for the good of horses, mustangs, stallions and donkeys as well as the good of the horseracing and entertainment-involving-horses-or-horseriding-scenes businesses. People need to make money ok? Anyway, I'm sure the monkeys have learnt their lesson and that's basically what this very much delayed post is about.

Oh before I forget, you guys were promised in the previous post that the Monkey Cage would come in 2 bahasas this year (I was hoping you forget but I better keep my promise just in case...)

So lets start our brief BM lecture.

Today, we learn a very very important word in BM and in the Monkey Cage.

Monkey = MONYET in Bahasa Melayu. I repeat, MONYET, pronounced MOE (like the simpsons' character) NYET (like the nyet in monyet). Remember this, it is very important ok, Monkey = MONYET! And that's all for today's class, you are dismissed.

PS: Study what you learn from today's class when you get back ok cause you'll be randomly quizzed on it anytime in the near future *sinister laughs*

The Monkey Cage is back... What a nice feeling...

Year Of The Creature-which-doesn't-look-like-a-monkey.

2008-01-08T15:52:00.004+08:00

It's 2008... And The Monkey Cage is only posting its New Year's entry 8 days after we bade goodbye to the Year Of The Special-agent (go figure...) and welcomed the Year Of The Rat into our calendars. So what if this post came 8 days late as compared to other popular blogs some of which display the words, Happy, New and year right at the stroke of 12 in the morning? Are monkeys supposed to be punctual? Ok, that may not have been discussed before but the answer is clear now i guess... Actually, there is a reason to the 8-day delay and that is because those 8 days were spent reminiscing on 8 memorable happenings of the year 2007.

CHAPTER 2008 : 07 IN 8 SENTENCES

-The Monkey Cage came to life!

-Christmas celebrations were a blast in some settlement claimed to be that of the people who originated from the land of Luis Figo.

-It is discovered that blonde Revlon hairdye is potentially life-threatening.

-Studies show that examinations can never build a mutual relationship with our best friend, sleep.

-By the end of 2007, alcohol still works the same way as it did when it was 1st invented.

-Had breakfast.

-Had lunch.

-Had dinner.

-Let me add a bonus sentence... Toilets were utilised last year.

Ok, I admit the last few sentences are lame. But well, as long as they happened then I guess they qualify to be mentioned... Note that they are not labelled as the MOST memorable happenings of the year. They are JUST memorable. Don't tell me you don't remember wether you have been to the toilet or consumed a piece of bread within the last period of 365 days? Speaking of the measure of days, all of the moments mentioned happened within the last week of 2007 which is probably less then 20 days ago but do I care? It still happened last year and they are in my memory... So alas, there u have 2007.

Yeah it's 8 days late.. but better late than never right? HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

*And that is today's message from the Sangkar Monyet, now available in 2 bahasas come 2008.

Beary Funny...

2007-12-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

The world has grown to be one which is not naturally supportive of the bringing-up of children anymore. Kids today have it tough in many ways. The rich ones lose out on keeping in touch with true fun. The poor are just in dire need of pity and help. The little ones stuck in the middle find it hard slugging it out trying to discover themselves in this world. This world which is cluttered with rapidly-sprouting displays of immorality, insane amounts of physical and verbal violence and the people who inhabit the planet who simply make this world a tougher place to live in. Heck, Earth is even struggling to just supply us with proper breathing air which is hogged by the more mature people of society. Pity our children. The fresher generations of human beings deserve a right to a fair life in this world and we who are old enough to read and write and crap on the internet using weblogs never did anything to earn a more livable life than our baby brothers and sisters.

CHAPTER XVI : A POST FOR UNICEF

That is why the world has UNICEF and I want them to probe into one thing in particular which is being totally unfair to the children of today. The subject of proposed investigation; A&W Restaurant.

Lets keep things simple and jump to where all the unacceptable discrimination towards the fragile feelings of childrenkind sprouts its roots - the menu.

Free toy. To every word-sputtering little boys' ears and intelligent kindy-enrolled little girls' eyes, those two words spell out happiness, happiness, pure happiness and nothing but happiness. The thought of their little hands getting to caress and play with a new plush animal, action figurine or something similar exudes a pumping sense of anticipation that would stretch a smile on the little ones' faces to the point where their smiles seem like they are going to pop out of their cute little faces. Getting something new to play with simply means so much to children of any era.

However, the world is simply cruel... As their eagerness builds increasingly and their incredibly wide smiles due to happiness make their faces more disporportionate, the children are betrayed...

This is just plain heartless... Imagine the tender young hearts of our children being shattered into nanoscopic pieces as such anticipation of having a new toy to play with leads their eyes to lay upon the image of a water bottle sporting a seemingly happy beer-drinking bear whose eyes scarily look straight into those of the negatively awestruck child which already have tears beginning to flow around them. This is unacceptable. The restaurant chain is not only disobeying their own menu hence breaking some rule of consumers' rights, heck, it also does not disappoint children only, it breaks their spirit, it breaks their hearts, it breaks the life out of them, it breaks the child within... With the children being exposed to what the world offers today combined with this example of sheer ignorrance towards the emotions of others, I wouldn't be surprised if the number of kids saying two words with the first starting with the letter F and the second being 'you' tallies at several hundred (not thousands simply because this chain just can't compete with the more successful ones...) in the country. Screw them monkeys running this diabolical anti-children institute. Screw BEARY meals, kids want HAPPY...

*** This post may have been written slightly on a basis of humour but there are really children out there struggling to survive alone and even more are deprived of what should be a proper childhood. It is for these needy children UNICEF exists. Support UNICEF, save our children.

Do Not Mistake Nailpolish for Nails and Polish.

2007-12-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

The world today is inhabited by multiple swarms of men, women and monkeys. Men who have testicles by nature, women who apply cosmetics to 'enhance their beauty' though not naturally and monkeys who squeeze themselves into the middle of the frame by having balls and using makeup. I believe the human race did indeed evolve from monkeys (while some have still yet to) and as we progress further, our beloved cousins are taking the step forward too. However they are wrongfooted. It is already sometimes too easy to stray into a path you don't genetically belong to and some monkeys today are clearly off target.

CHAPTER XV (now i know...): MALE QUESTION MARK

It is almost general that males are the more attractive sex in the animal kingdom. Male lions have elegant manes to strut while the girls are all baldies. Peacocks with cocks are a prettier sight than their dull and presumably colourless wives. Mr. Fishes are welcome in aquariums built for the beautiful more than Miss and Mrs. Fishies on many occasions. Monkeys... well.. as for monkeys, I honestly cannot tell a male from a female to be frank. Heck, I'd probably name a chick monkey Frank if I was given the task to name one. Most of the time they just look too alike. I actually believe that homosexuality might be a norm among primates considering their appearance likenesses despite gender differences. However, some of them still insist and go all out to keep to the principle that male animals are prettier than females. This is what happens...

Clearly, this species still has alot to learn... Nonetheless, it is with this very type of ignorrance and sense of not knowing that makes its species what it is. Thank you for that. Thank the monkeys, another one for the Monkey Cage...

A Missing Month.

2007-12-02T01:00:00.000+08:00

Calendars exist for a reason. They help you dramatically count down the days to your dreaded dentist appointment, cruelly strike out the remaining dates of your holiday and some other stuff like providing pretty girls with job oppurtunities (yeah, i said girls.. is there a song which goes "i love i love i love my calendar boy"? Didn't think so...). We have the modern calendar based on some ancient historical Greek (i think...) blablablas having months with girls' names which rhyme with apple, gay and prune. Then there is the Lunar calendar which sees months dedicated to ghost-feeding, parades of artificial lions and cake-gobbling which is supposedly moony. Do monkeys have calendars? I wonder...

CHAPTER I DUNNO WAT LA... : I DUNNO WAT LA...

The calendar says it is December. The twelfth and final month of the year. The month after October. Wait... Something is wrong. After October.. isn't it November? I don't remember singing the words "wake me up when November ends" but clearly the Monkey Cage has followed a November-less calendar. Is that the way of the monkey? I guess November's been either a busy or lazy month. However dear readers, there will be a revival. Not much of a Creedence Clearwater's one but still one.. I hope. Within a few weeks, lets pray that the Monkey Cage gets back on track be it on a November-less railway to monkey this and monkey that. Screw calendars. Banana splits are more delicious!

The Step After Racial Integration.

2007-10-31T23:36:00.000+08:00

Unity among differing races is a topic always discussed to be society's golden goal among all goals that are gold in the goldest of golden hues of gold. However, behind all the sparkles and glitters that's gold, lies something not given a ponder about. Is racial integration really the ultimate mission in society? What comes after that?

CHAPTER XIV : WHAT GLIDES AMONG GLUCOSE

Today, we find out what the next step could be as one monkey ventures into the possible undertakings of the future by undertaking it himself with the 'it' being species integration. Watch and learn as a nemesis by name finds himself a nemesis indeed...

As you can see, it is no simpler task than forming a unity among the blacks and whites. Therefore, all we can do is hope for the best and also for more blurly daring people like the samaritan shown today to emerge from the wombs of tomorrow's mothers.

When One Species From Two Worlds Collide.

2007-10-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

Debates are essentially essential in life. They are involved in so many things we do from miniscule to gargantuan scales with the former being as simple as deciding on yes or no and the latter being as mind-boggling as to wether men are naturally more adept at drawing a picture of a camel with wings than women. The process is simple, two opposing points are argued as to which carries more significance and at the end, the stronger argument wins the case or in certain situations, the arguments are either too stiff in competition or too stupid to comprehend that the debate hits a wall. However, the rules all change when debating is put into the hairy hands of monkeys.

CHAPTER XIII : THE JAPANESE MONKEY

No matter how much everyone from this new and present age supports the idea of integration, it is still never easy for one to fit into an environment where the others are different. Well, the monkey we're talking about isn't probably different to that extent but differing enough to cause quite a thunderous-debate-like stir among his peers. Debate-like, it is called, as unlike its conventional examples, this debate isn't about who is right and who is wrong, or who's point has more credibility. It sees both parties taking the same stand, but slugging it out to see who is more convincing, and in this case, the thing to be convinced about regards badmouthing our poor monkey here...

To our dear monkey whose identitiy is at doubt... Many may doubt you but I can give you a lifetime assurance. After knowing you for quite a long time and being involved and witness in a number of your significant moments in life be them for the good, bad or funny (actually mostly funny), you have have my word of certification. That, my friend, certifies that no matter what happens, you are and always will be a true monkey...

Reading Is The Way To Go.

2007-10-25T15:43:00.000+08:00

Like the title states, reading is the way to go, but to where? Let the reading be focused onto this post and where this post leads to shall be your questioned destination. Anyway, seriously, surely there have been uncountable nags of advice regarding the importance of reading throughout your growing years have they not? To your dismay this may sound, but here at the Monkey Cage, we want to promote the good habit of reading as well as we feel that its significance in life today is simply to large in magnitude to ignore. Therefore, I repeat, reading is indeed the way to go be it here with the monkeys or out there with the penguins. Today, DtG presents a well-needed community message regarding the instillation of good reading habits.

CHAPTER XII : THERE IS A PRAWN BEHIND THE ROCK

Prawn? Behind a rock? In case you're still guessing what the title really means, let me clear things up by saying that NO, it is not a fancy name of some kind of seafood dish. You see, this is where the importance of reading comes into play as people who go on the reading exploration to the extent of crossing language borders should understand the shaded meaning of what is mentioned. Perhaps a little watching would squeeze the meaning into your brain which is possibly in a momentary state of confusion. Take a look and learn.

You heard that wise voice, so what are you waiting for? Don't let good advice go to waste! Sigh, kids these days...

Holiday : The Monkey Point Of View...

2007-10-23T14:28:00.000+08:00

This weblog has not seen change for quite a while despite a certain monkey comeback being mentioned and the main reason as to why the prologue seemed to have appeared too soon will be the main topic of today's rejuvenated state of web-based monkeyishness...

CHAPTER XI : THE REAL MONKEY ISLAND?

Two words which would sum up the past few days in the simplest and most accurate of manners would be 'island vacation'. Of course, spending the holiday in the tropics of a beautiful beach lined island is ideal for many but being the person he is, DtG decided to have a second take at the whole thing by looking at the whole experience from a perspective benificial this very miniscule representative of the world wide web. Pulau Langkawi, welcome to the Monkey Cage.

To the top you see the perfect representation of stereotype tropical island beauty and this is indeniable, the island is a wondrous piece of natural art in itself. Above is ONE view, THREE elements of nature (Earth, wind and water) which form a picture of ONE noun; beauty.

But then again, I bet beauty speaks itself out in monkey language too as you will soon see...

The view from the top is amazing. That's what almost everyone says regardless where 'the top' is meant to be or what it actually refers to. Now imagine lush green mountains on a beautiful tropical island such as the one we are discussing. Imagine standing 710 meters atop it with a panoramic view of the escalating greenery. Imagine a bridge smack in the middle of two high ends among that magnificent piece of imagination you have now sitting in the cold mist and clouds. Imagine the clouds above that engineering milestone forming interesting formations to complement the entire image. Did you imagine this?

And then if one scours the platform atop that mountain with sharpened observation, one will discover the involvement of monkey-standard engineering put into the construction of this one of a kind experience-providing structure.

Descending to the ground levels of this seemingly interesting island will bring us to familiar faces. I never knew members of one of the families I find intrigue in know how to cherish the spoils of life in such appropriate settings as they seem to be doing. The monkey cage just got alot bigger...

Now here's a must-know fact for those who find the words 'Lang' and 'Kawi' alien. Things are not charged with duties or taxes on this island or in simple terms, the entire place is duty-free. So basically it's a sinners' paradise as it provides alcohol, tobacco and chocolate (oh yes, chocolates are addictive and can be sinful...) at low prices minus sin taxes. What I want to address here is the cheap alcohol. It shouldn't be a surprise that alcohol consumption would be higher here than in any typical town on the mainland but I was not ready to accept the full extent of its effect towards the community of both people and animals. Yes, the part about animals is what was totally uncalled for to my awestruck eyes. Have you seen a seal? It was a first time for me. Setting eyes on a certain kind of animal species for the first time is quite an experience. Seeing it in this condition is one whole other. Have you seen a drunk seal? Here's a first for the Monkey Cage, its first non-human and non-monkey monkey, I call him Alvin...

As you might already begin concluding, this island is full of interesting experiences and surprises indeed. However differing in all aspects of what we want to see as it may be, yours truly has enjoyed his time there. Despite several oddnesses it may hold, it is an island of incredible beauty no doubt. In conjunction with the extended "Visit Malaysia Year 2007", this is a community message from the Monkey Cage to support any decisions or thoughts regarding visiting Langkawi. It'll be worth it in one funny way or another. Just look at it...

Prologue To A Monkey-Comeback.

2007-10-16T18:07:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a while since a new post appeared here mainly due to lack of monkey-cage-worthy resources but readers be assured that fresh monkey business is on its way. Meanwhile, lets take a look at a user review, one that has caught the cagekeeper's attention today...

"The Monkey Cage is like a bunch of words put together." by 'name preferred to be kept anonymous'.

Then again, isn't every sentence like the very one you're reading now a compilation of words? Guess the reviewer meant The Monkey Cage consists of paragraphs, made of sentences, which contained words constructed with letters of the alphabet. In other words, a bunch of words put together. Deep... Very deep. Let's applaud this piece of 'constructive' critisicm.

*no offense intended in the sarcasm towards the criticism, it is pure fun in the name of monkeys.

Mamas, Don't Let Your Monkeys Grow Up To Be Engineers...

2007-09-29T21:15:00.000+08:00

There is this certain education institution existing within my coordinates which is recognised by its three-lettered initials, the first two both being the letter 'M' and as experiences with it start to develop into clearer stages, I always wonder if M originally or secretly stands for Monkey. To reinforce this state of wonder, we shall peek into an unlikely example of how this institution actually provides and promotes education. Synonymously, what is to be reviewed can be simply guessed as what learning is to a certain species related to humankind.

CHAPTER X : MONKEYFICATION

Religions are preached, skills are taught, knowledge is spread, discipline is instilled, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Squished between the many subsets of et ceteras is the state of monkeyishness and like the things mentioned earlier, it can be passed on from one to another. At least it seems that way from this immortalised piece of primate life you are about to set eyes on.

Shocking isn't it what monkeys assume as education? If businessmen and engineers were produced with classes like that, the next tallest structure in the world would take more than 50 years to construct; 3 minutes to plan, 1 day to build, 2 seconds to collapse and kill all the engineers, 30 years to produce another generation of engineers, 10 years for them to actually guess what their dead seniors' mistakes were and 10 years to construct it successfully. The time taken for it to fall down this time remains a mystery. As for the business world, don't hope on there being much of it as monkey business is simply being monkeys. That said, here's a community message from the one who runs the Monkey Cage :"Take your education seriously and try to avoid being monkeyfied at all costs unless you want to be part of this family or on a larger scale, see the world go bananas."

A Picture Paints A Thousand Words.

2007-09-21T12:42:00.000+08:00

A picture paints a thousand words; this phrase is not an uncommon one and is indeed often truthful. It simply implies that one image can hold uncountable meanings hidden within its rich blend of colours, strokes and hues. That implication however does not neccesarily imply to itself wether it is after all a good thing or not and this is why doubts are cast, a phrase can be rephrased. In this case 'rephrase' may not be totally accurate but surely, the way different people understand it determines what comes out of it. This time, different is equivalent to monkey.

CHAPTER IX : PICTURE PERFECT

Roller coasters and other extreme thrill rides which send the G-Forces pumping through your fragile veins never fail to either get the adrenalin running at the speed a lovestruck zebra or cause your the insides of your bowels to blend violently thus turning your face green. Occasionally, these sort of thrill providers can cause its embracers to go a little nuts. The nuts are insanely bigger if it's monkeys we're talking about. To make things clearer, the activities of this certain group of monkeys are documented in possibly the briefest of all documentaries.

1. Monkeys go on ride.
2. Monkeys shout and scream their lungs out.
3. Monkeys get 'high' after ride ends.
4. Monkeys go on another to satisfy their sudden craze.
5. Monkeys get another boost of sheer gravity defiance.
6. Monkeys get even more high.
7. Monkeys see picture.
8. Monkeys like the picture and want to be part of it.
9. Monkeys do this...

Their picture undoubtedly painted a thousand words but most of the words are probably synonyms to the words CRAZY, A$$ and PRIMATES. Heck, the silliness stretches to the extent where the fact is they painted a picture over the picture. Some may label it stupid but these monkeys would like to think of it as an activity of artistic pleasure yet however it should be perceived, these monkeys can have my kudos. Stupid or not, they lightened what was wrongly assumed to be a starless and moonless night.

Of All Things Magical...

2007-09-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

Master illusionists such as the certain David we all know create 'magic' which sometimes leaves us in a state of pure awe and speechlessness. Now, even a monkey has emulated that. The speechlessness has yet to wear out from me hence this post shall be little in length.

CHAPTER VIII : HOUDINI HAD A COUSIN

The genes of the great escape artist/magician/illusionist/slash this and that is clearly evident in a specimen of our not so distant relatives. The way the gene has developed however, may vary in certain aspects but undoubtedly, both have the ability to leave their audience awestruck. Let the magic take place...

The previous post probably left you with no words to utter and this one probably has the same effect. There's not much you can do about it because monkeys will always be monkeys.

Wanting To Touch A Heart Can Lead To The Destruction Of Eardrums.

2007-09-17T23:03:00.000+08:00

Of all living creatures existent in this planet, only humans have somewhat successfully manipulated the laws of life by being able to turn good vocals into earnings. Singing equals cash (if it is saleable that is). The unbelievable thing about this world is that this 'profession' generates income insanely higher than those of people who stretch their physical effort to the limit day after day and at times night after night. The world is unfair to a high extent in this context. This however, has driven many people into a frenzy where they find themselves wanting to sing in order to be simply 'rich and famous'. Today, one monkey takes that path...

CHAPTER VII : YOU SING IT BEST, WHEN YOU SING NOTHING AT ALL

Ronan Keating is a good singer. If you can sing like him, you sing well. Exceptionally well. It is with statements like these that people never stop trying their luck at singing. They work hard with the hopes that if they can immitate a superstar to a reasonable extent, they're going to make it as well. That may be true and this possible truth has caused monkeys to embrace the same sad reality. Today we focus on one monkey, one that might cause the real ex-Boyzone lead singer to say "If I knew they had music in Malaysia, I would rather be a fisherman!". Note that this species of primate does indeed originate from the Malaysian rainforests.

So in what way is this monkey's emulation so provocative in some sense that it might actually cause a popular singer to say something of such? Let's just put it this way, singing poorly is one thing. Being a terrible singer is another thing. Having a voice that is even creakier than that of a toad and even more painful than the sound of a chicken being run over by a steamroller slowly is also some other thing. Ronan would have been alright with all of those. Singing like the monkey on show today, now that's a whole new perspective. Prepare your ears like you have never prepared them before and once you have checked 20 times that you are ready, you may let the video play...

Maybe during all the times I speculated doubtfully about the wages singers earn these days, I was wrong. With monkeys like these, go ahead Ronan, sing well and enjoy your fat wallet, cause maybe you DO deserve every single penny. One thing I can say about this though, the monkey really gets his message across in the song. For a moment after that video finished playing, I really did say nothing at all. I just couldn't.

Let's Conduct An Experiment.

2007-09-10T22:57:00.000+08:00

As it has been screened time and time again, monkeys are interesting creatures and learning about them sort of enlightens us more on our very selves as well. So today, in the name of science, a certain bunch of monkeys shall aid us by participating in an experiment the world has never seen. Let's start.

CHAPTER VI : LAB ALA' MONYET

Objective: To study the way a human invention (balloon, in this case) is perceived by the latest series of evolved primates.

Hypothesis: Balloons are for kids and people who somehow have yet to escape the hold of childhishness thrusted upon them

Apparatus: One unbelievably brave clown, balloons(the flexible kind), camera phone and obviously, a primate family(preferably from the species homobodoh ketheswarus sp.).

Procedure:
1. Place clown in a position where it intercepts the path of the monkeys' journey at a certain point.
2. With the help of balloons, get clown to interact with monkeys.
3. Allow monkeys to obtain balloons from the clown.
4. Now, direct the monkeys' path towards a location where sustenance is obtained.
5. Observe monkeys' behaviour closely at this point of their travel.
6. Record all observations with a camera phone (note that low-quality video evidence is more than sufficient to make conclusions when monkeys are concerned).

Observations and Results:

Analysis: Monkeys react to balloons in a manner which displays an intricate blend of childishness, immaturity and pervertedness which is not all that surprising. From this, it is safe to assume that;
M increases with C,
M=kC
where M=number of monkeys, C=magnitude of childishness where k is a constant.

Conclusion: Monkeys can safely be described as childish creatures. Hypothesis accepted.

The Kitchen Tour Ain't Over.

2007-09-09T16:45:00.000+08:00

Just when we thought the nutcase chef has shown us the most bizzare of cooking steps, the she-monkey succeeded in conjuring something else which strikes its audience into a deep state of disbelief. Cannibalism is, at it seems, still existent...

CHAPTER V.II : INTO THE KITCHEN AGAIN

We begin with the simple yet stupefying recipe as usual;
1. A young monkey, preferably alive (note that the task is easier if they are sedated)
2. Ketchup (or tomato sauce for some of you who don't know, islanders for example)
3. As always, the same nutcase chef.
Let the cooking show commence...

Readers deserve the right to know that this video has been cut short in order to hide the fact that the monkey chef is not a very competent one at all for the aftermath of this attempt at unusual cuisine saw the main dish wake up and spoil the preparatian procedures. Therefore, it is quite safe to conclude that no monkeys were harmed in this video.

The Voluntary Species.

2007-09-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

The past few days saw many specimens of our closest relatives venture pass DtG's way and a queue into the Monkey Cage has finally built up. It is simply brilliant to know that resources are flowing in with high magnitudes of both quantity and quality. However, time has proven itself to be a luxury stronger than ever and it has forced the show to be cut short for now at least. Therefore, may we present, one hell of a monkey in one short post.

CHAPTER V : INTO THE KITCHEN

We all know monkeys eat bananas and are bananas in the head as well. However, like how homosapiens came to be to this present state of humanity, primates extrapolate their way of life to and are not aliens to fine cuisine. Today however one monkey proved it was not all too fine as she (YES, SHE) shares some cooking skills that simply leaves the audience speechless. Before we move on, here's a check list of ingredients which is very short for you in case you would like to conjure a meal fit for a monkey;
1. Some rubbery adhesive thing monkeys use to substitute flour
2. A nutcase chef
Let the cooking show begin...

Their species' gastronomic variety doesn't end there as it seems that they know how to cook up really sticky and wet numbers too. However, with creatures like this manning the stove, I'd go for plain bread and water any time. Applaud this monkey for making me lose my once gargantuan appetite.

Truly "Born In The Zoo"

2007-09-03T20:32:00.000+08:00

Today, yours truly has been enlightened with the fact that at times, the term 'you were born in a zoo' jokingly used in modern birthday songs makes sense after all. As we celebrate the birth of one of our kind, today saw many genuine monkeys parade their true colours; a shade of brownish gray with a furriedly-effect. This post will mostly consist of videos of the high-monkey-magnitude outing as words simply can't justify their level of pre-humanness.

CHAPTER IV : IT'S PARTY TIME

The typical birthday party has to be redefined in many areas for it to be deemed even slightly similar to one of a monkey's. No party is complete without a cake but what happens to the cake differs according to the species. Humans blow the candles, cut it, eat it. Monkeys however blow the candles, cut it, eat it and finally pose for a totally moronic photograph with the cake at their mouth completely unaware that the photographer is indeed recording a video therefore forcing the posing monkey into making a more-than-complete fool out of himself. Watch and learn...

Normally, the individual whose birthday is being celebrated should be the first to be mentioned regarding topics like these but in conjunction with monkey birthdays, he comes second as monkeys don't really care much about that poor being anyway. They throw him a surprise party and do this...

Party games can get very bizzarre at times but at the end of the day, it's all for the fun of it. When these monkeys do it, my explanation capabilities immediately crash into a brick wall, hard. This, I simply can't convert to words...

Officialy, that is the very first birthday celebrated in the monkey cage and being numero uno, it has set the standards considerably high. Then again, I truly wonder if there would be a second as after this monkeyish affair, going through another would take up a certain ammount of courage which is not conjured easily. These monkeys are just plain stupid and/or crazy. Salute them.

Back To Basics.

2007-08-30T00:12:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time, this certain individual let his creativity flow after being inspired by an unpredictable aspect of beauty in primates by putting pen on paper to create art. To capture the moment which caught his attention (that is of the monkey slowly pushing its backbone to the vertical and standing straight from a slouching position), he drew several monkeys, lined up from left to right, depicting the entire movement in multiple images of the monkey in consequential positions. However, his moment of cherished accomplishment met a disaster as he accidentally stroked a line across the figures he drew, causing a strike-out effect on all the primates. Devestated but desparate at the same time, the poor man tried to manipulate his work by selling the idea of the line being where it is as an indication to this thing he called 'evolution'.

CHAPTER III : DEVOLUTION

As homosapiens, we are supposed to be descendants of monkey-like beings who are possibly the same ancestors to monkeys as we know today. We should be more developed in senses, thought, actions and skills if compared to those members of our family tree of lost generations but as some will say, some things just don't change. This quote goes beyond what the eyes make out physically (as it is an unambiguous fact that many people still resemble chimpanzees) but drills through as deep as how we think and what we do. One man/monkey caused many to stir in awe as he proves that evolution might not have happened among human beings after all. This daring individual bravely defied any plausible theory that we have evolved from monkeys by being one right to the core. Let the details be explained in simple English;

- We take for example, a certain action that monkeys do but humans do in a more sophisicated or developed way; Grooming.
- Monkeys, having fur all over their bodies, groom themselves with their fingers and maybe their tongues in a very primitive way like most mammals do. Part of their 'social culture' also involves grooming other members of their kind using the same method.
- Now humans, we are simply a more developed specimen of monkeys aren't we? As monkeys run their fingers through their fur for grooming, we have combs, mousse, hairgel, hairdryers, etc, etc, etc... and we don't do it for others unless it involves money, that's what salons are for! So yeah, we're evolved in this matter.

OR ARE WE???

Being an author, cameraman, reporter and most importantly cagekeeper, DtG understands if you, the reader, audience, supporter (hopefully), offended party (hopefully not), now find yourself in a state of speechlessness or sheer fascination. Indeed, that is an example of a fully developed homosapien applying methods unbelievably archaic in this age while the people around him embrace the wonders of science (literally). He is a worthy monkey, as he proved that the painting the man did in the first paragraph didn't go wrong after all. Yes, there was a line across which was dubbed evolution as cover-up but evolution in this case takes a different role. The man dabbed a line of evolution by accident and intended all the characters in the pictures to be the same monkeys only in different stances. How accurate that is in this present context as like our monkey of the day has proven, although going through multiple phases of evolution, monkeys will always be monkeys. Hats off, to one undeniably brilliant example, of a monkey through and through.

Too Good A Mother, Too Monkeyish A Monkey.

2007-08-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

Here is a tale of which genre is an oxymoron itself as it tells of strong motherly love defied by a virtually unlovingly attitude on the child's side of the context. Fortify your hearts and multiply your hormones of humour as the following words which your mind is about to process may either apply a certain kind of impact on your soul or reflectively, leave a laughable grin on your face for the next few minutes. Read on if you think you can take it...

CHAPTER II : MOTHER AND CHILD CONFUSION

Once upon a time [formula given is, (once upon a time) = (roughly 2 months ago)], a respectable soul bravely challenged the thunderous opposing winds by adopting an unlikely monkey for a child. The mother stretched out a helping hand, the monkey couldn't care less. Day after day, the mother let her efforts pour onto the seemingly hopeless child as she made her attempts of vanquishing the child's bad habits increasingly evident but unsuccesful. An obedient listener the monkey was not. A determined soldier the mother was.

For the giving but not receiving mother, hopes slowly diminished as efforts kept on going but the despite what a monkey he was, the child began to accept the poor lady as a mother periodically... and parasitically. This doesn't give the slightest implication imaginable that he has changed his ways for the better but as words might not enlighten you, an immortalised 'mother and child' moment may.

This tale cannot be concluded with the words 'happily ever after' as not only has this tale got a long way to go before meeting its last page but also, as things are the way they are, it is sadly safe to accept the fact that the child will never defy his own defiance and will always be on the negative half of this two-person story despite the voluntary mother being what every good life-giver should be. The mother is an idol considering the impossible task she is pursuing valiantly and as for the child, his monkeyish antics has scaled heights never thought of and in return has earned him a rank among the monkeys that grace this domain. Respect the mother, salute the monkey.

The Opening Act.

2007-08-21T23:09:00.000+08:00

Today, out of a certain sort of initiative that came about from virtually an inexistent plain, DtG introduces the 'Monkey Cage'. To those who knew of DtG and his blogs of past, they can bid farewell to his personifications of this and that as this is a fresh start which should have been the original start since the moment the first key was hit with this very same piece of writing medium set upon the eyes of yours truly. Behold the Monkey Cage, a place where monkeys are recognised be it in positive or insanely negative manners, all for the fun of it as DtG likes it.

Delays should not be an integral part of this post as they may have been in the previous weblogs so here goes the first two inclusions into the cage, established monkeys among the community, the one and only (as they claim), DX. So here goes;

CHAPTER I : THE HORSE AND THE RAPIST

Donuts are sweet. Donuts are yummy. Donuts are fulfilling. Donuts are so this and so that that some people simply rot without them. A fan of the Simpsons would know that silly ol' Homer Simpson worships donuts to an undefined extent that can only be pictured in the 2-dimensional world. However, today two people broke that horizon by proving that an obsession of that level can be transferred onto the earth, wind and fires of human life. For the sake of the self-consciousness of these 2, they shall only be referred to with their nicknames of Horse and Rapist or to make things easier, they shall be labelled Monkey1 and Monkey2 deservingly.

Basically, here is how the monkey-title-winning moment came and left.

- Monkey2 buys some donuts which he really loves and has been craving for but has limited access to.
- Monkey2 tries to tempt Monkey1 with no intention of sharing and infuriates him right down to his undulating bowels.
- Monkeys 1 and 2 fight over the donuts (this involves hitting, screaming, chasing, monkeying, begging and so forth) which ended in Monkey1 gaining posession of the last donut.
- Monkey1 squeezes the emotion out of Monkey2 (whose emotions towards the remaining donut which is rightfully his is beyond the scope of words) by tinkering with the piece of pastry hazardously.
- Everything kinda repeats itself and the ending lies within the video embedded below.

So there you have the very 1st inclusions of the Monkey Cage who rightfully deserve their place among monkeys of our generation for their brilliant efforts in doing what not many have attempted before ; making pastry comedic and dramatic at the same time. Even the greatest of movie directors always have a rough path laid out for them whenever these 2 genres are combined together so the Horse and the Rapist definitely deserve a significant toast for bringing us closer to our ancestors of past eons. Long live these monkeys, long live monkeys.